No, We Don't Have Kids

So it appears that out-of-wedlock births is at an all time high of about 36%. And divorce rates are now coming in at 50% (some of which are from people getting married simply because there's a bun in the oven). I guess these optimistic statistics would explain the very first question Stonewall and I receive whenever we tell someone we're newlyweds, "Oh! Do you have kids?"

Stonewall and I have been married now for 6 months and before that we were together for 16 months. (Yes, there was a deployment in there.) It just so happens that we fell in love in what is becoming more and more conventional, through emails, letters and telephone calls. We did meet before Stonewall left for his first deployment, albeit two weeks before he left, but before he left none-the-less. We got more face time together with his two week leave and before we knew it, with a stroke of luck, he was home again in less than three months. We got engaged less than a month after he returned and started planning for a wedding in 2008. And then the Army came a-knockin' again (because that's what the Army does) and we were told to expect another deployment sometime around the time of our wedding. Our state does not allow for marriage ceremonies by video (and I'm a little old fashioned and wanted my groom to be there), so we pushed the wedding up to the beginning of 2007 and in 5 months exactly we were married. (And I am amazing because in that time I put together the most gorgeous wedding!)

(Some might have said we set ourselves up for failure by moving so quickly, and some might still be saying that. However, some aren't me and some aren't B., so we don't care what some might say.)

The point of this post, during this whirlwind of a relationship, we didn't get pregnant. In fact, from the very beginning we made it quite clear to ourselves kids were about five years down the road. Our relationship is moving quite quickly, there was a deployment (and more to come), and we want time for ourselves before we throw in another person. We haven't had the chance yet to take the vacations we want to take without towing along screaming children. We haven't spent our money stupidly on some outrageous piece of art without a second thought. We have two dogs right now and that's proving to be quite enough responsibility for us at the moment. Throw in the fact that Stonewall is in the Army and we have enough on our plate as a young newlywed couple.

Stonewall and I actually got married because we wanted to marry each other. There was no outside factor. In my opinion, if two people can make it through a deployment with only two weeks of knowing each other prior, there's a pretty good chance they might actually like one another.

I realize that many people our age have set the standard of babies before marriage. Which is fine. That's how they wanted to do things. But how about not assuming that just because we're married and we're young, we must have a kid. It's a little insulting to our integrity and our values to one another. Try a bit more tact, "Oh newlyweds! Congratulations! I bet your excited to start building a family!" Or something along those lines. Give us the chance to tell or not tell you whether or not we have kids. Or better yet how about you just wait until you hear us mention kids before bringing it up. Look on the positive side of things and just pretend that you believe people do get married for love nowadays.