One piece of advice we got before getting married was: Don't go to bed angry. I think that is one of the most given pieces of advice to newlyweds. Two other women at the shower gave that exact piece of advice.
In my opinion, that is one of the worst pieces of advice. My advice to the bride and groom-to-be: Don't be afraid to go to bed angry. In the morning the fight and anger won't seem that big of a deal and you'll be able to talk through your problems rather than fight about them.
Maybe Stonewall and I are going about it all wrong, but we've gone to bed angry plenty of times. If we don't, we'll be up until 3 or 4AM screaming at each other. And let's be honest, at 3 or 4 AM after we've been up since 7AM the previous morning, we're tired, cranky, nasty, and unforgiving.
The times when we've stayed up and fought until we've reached some kind of common ground (and that is only after we've been real dicks to one another), the next morning after only a few hours of sleep, we're both still half pissed and we don't want to speak to each other. The times when we've just taken a step back, decided we weren't getting anywhere and have gotten into bed, issues unresolved, the next morning after a decent night's sleep we've both rolled over, apologized for being unreasonable the night before and can usually find a good middle within in an hour, no shouting or yelling involved.
What advice would you have given?
5 comments:
I agree with you 100%. Sometimes, you just have to sleep.
My biggest piece of advice (from my whopping 9 months of marital experience) is: Compromise, compromise, compromise. Sometimes it will be you giving 90% and him giving 10%, other times, you will be giving 15% and he is giving 85%. You will never both be giving 50% all the time, and that is a-okay. As long as it evens out. Self-less, serving love is the best kind!
I'm not sure what kind of marriage advice I'd give. I'd have to think on that for awhile.
But I so agree with the whole going to bed angry thing! The way you describe it is exactly how it goes around here too. J and I are both very stubborn and it always takes a cooling off period for us to "kiss and make up".
Not all of that standard marriage advice works for every relationship. Glad yo guys are figuring that out so early on!
Don't begin doing a task or chore for your spouse consistantly that you don't wish to do (perhaps exclusively) for the next 50 years.
So,for example, if you don't want to do his laundry, don't make a habit of doing it. If on occasion you decide to be kind, it will be a treat rather than an expectation.
interesting...
I guess mine would probably be something about communicate, communicate, communicate...and CHOOSE YOUR BATTLES. ;-)
fyi...i love what trudy said!
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