Girls Don't Poop

Disclaimer: The following may be a bit TMI for some. If the word "poop" makes you shift uncomfortably in your chair, just move on to the next blog.



I find it funny that some people are so uncomfortable talking about pooping. I mean, we all do it. It really is just part of nature. I have no qualms with pooping. I grew up in a family that actually discusses pooping over dinner. Yeah, that's right. I can tell you how often everyone in my family poops and what time of day they prefer.

People are so funny when it comes to pooping because everyone has very specific needs when it comes to their bathroom time. I, for instance, do not like to be disturbed. Bathroom time is my time to be 100% completely alone with no distractions. Stonewall thinks this means, "Please knock on the door, ask me questions that really don't need answered, and stick your fingers under the door while making up rhymes about my poop." So not appropriate. Also, I need reading material. Really, its the perfect time to catch up on my reading. Staring at the wall is just so boring. (And if you do not provide reading material in your bathroom for your guests, you really should. It's all part of being a good host(ess)).

I have one family member who will only use her bathroom because she can see the TV from her toilet and she like to watch Oprah while getting her poop on. (This same person, for the longest time, would actually go to her parents' house every time she had to poop because she didn't want her BF(now her husband) to know she actually went number 2.) There's another family member that refuses to use public toilets to poop no matter how bad she has to go. And another family member who only reads while she poops, so if you want to read a book after her, you might as well just go buy it because you're not getting it within the next 40 years.

Guys think girls don't poop. From what I've been told pooping is not sexy, so girls just don't do it. I know there are several fellow bloggers who are getting married within the next year. If you haven't had this discussion with your soon-to-be-husband, go for it. You're going to be sharing his last name soon, so you might as well have the poop talk. Don't assume he knows already, even if you are already living together. Same goes for farting. Prepare him ahead of time because once you're married and living together (if you aren't already), he's going to find out. You can't hide it, so just get it out in the open and lay down some rules.

Stonewall and I had this conversation about 3 or 4 months into our relationship. We were talking on the phone (he was in Iraq at the time) and I made a comment about pooping and he made a comment about how I shouldn't talk about that. Well, I set him straight right quick: "I poop. Deal with it. I also fart and will probably do so in front of you. Deal with it. I will talk about both with you. Learn to like it." We're now to the point where even he knows about my family members' pooping habits. And that's normal.

However, I don't poop in front of Stonewall. We are not there in our relationship and I hope we never get there. He knows I poop, I know he poops, but we don't do it while we're both in the bathroom. That's crossing the line. (Hey, I've got to have some boundaries.) As previously mentioned though, that does not stop him from sticking his fingers under the door while I'm going. (Yes, I was serious about that.)

I'll leave you now with this:

There were three bears, papa bear, mama bear and baby bear. They were all constipated. So they went to see their bear doctor who gave them each some laxatives. Since papa bear was the biggest he got a bottle, mama bear half- a bottle and the baby bear got a couple of tablets of the laxative. They all went home and took the tablets.

The next day the papa bear went to the bathroom , came out in a few minutes and said in rough bearly voice "I am so thankful, cause I shat a tankful!"

It was the mama bear's turn to go. She went in and took a little while and then came out and said in a sweet voice " I am so grateful, cause I shat a plateful!"

Then finally it was the baby bear's turn. The little one went and came out after a long time and said in a sad small voice "I am so broken hearted, cause I only farted!"