I am beyond excited to have my husband out of war zone and home with me and his son. I don't want anyone to forget that for one second as they read this. However, while I was fervently wishing for the end of this deployment I never realized how odd it would be to have Stonewall home.
I read in a book that if you perform a task 21 days in a row it will becomes habit. I had 365 days to create my own habits here at home. I did things the way I wanted to do them. I put things where I wanted to put them. Stonewall had 365 days of creating his own habits. He ran his company the way he wanted to run it. He said, "Jump" and it was answered with, "How high, sir?"
Stonewall has already spent a few evenings out with his friends. There's a part of me that feels like perhaps I should be bothered by this. He's been gone for an entire year, so shouldn't we still be locked in our bedroom making love like it's going out of style?
Then there's another part of me that is (dare I say it?) just fine with being at home by myself every few days. I've been at home by myself every evening for the past 365 days, so why should an evening here or there make me feel all left alone?
I'm in a habit that I don't entirely want to get out of. I enjoy sitting on my couch on Wednesday evenings and watching "America's Next Top Model" and "Glee" without Stonewall making fun of my choice of TV brain rot. Does that make me a bad wife because when he suggested going out tonight, after less than two weeks home, I didn't hesitate to say, "Okie-dokie"?
I know having Stonewall home means adjusting to each other's habits and making new habits. I've been trying to not be the overbearing mom who criticizes the new dad because he doesn't know the "right way" to hold, feed, change, bathe, etc etc etc the baby. I don't point out every time dishes aren't put away in the right cupboard (at least he's putting them away!). I've deviated from some of my regular evening shows and I'm trying to remember to cook dinner before 9PM. I'm also trying to remember to utilize the second pair of adult hands Stonewall brings to the table for the household chores.
Stonewall is going through the same thing. I'm not his First Sergeant, I don't salute him, and I don't call him sir. He needs to remember that I don't respond very well to orders and I don't like being cut off with, "I got it." He may run a Company when he's in uniform, but I run our household.
Okay, enough of that little power trip and moving along...
I guess I'm just trying to convince myself and rid the guilt that just because Stonewall is finally home doesn't mean we have to be attached at the hip all of a sudden. We survived our own separate battles for the past year, so why should we suddenly feel like we can't have our own individual vices that we enjoy more without the other person. Stonewall enjoys his guys' nights out and I enjoy my girl nights in.
And on the other nights we enjoy...well, each other. ;) *winky winky*
11 comments:
i agree with ya. my friends thought i was weird when i continued to live like i had when he was gone, and we had to compromise a little but it all works out.
not only should you have a life with him, you should have your own life and interests, just like he should too.
I'm with you there! It's hard for them to just jump back into the swing of things when they have been doing something entirely different!
When Pave came home (granted it was only 4 months...not a whole year) he ended up hating the phrase "oh, we don't do it like that anymore!" I had started recycling, and doing some other things around the house. And still, to this day, he'll question me on something (like bills, or sprinklers or something that I handled) and I quietly remind him "I did successfully run this household while you were gone, none of the pet died and the house didn't catch fire!"
Hope the transition eases up!
I totally understand. I alone for so long I sometimes feel like its the only thing I know.
I love having him around but sometimes I like him doing his own thing too.
I am so far behind on posts, but I just wanted to say how HAPPY I am for your little family that he is finally home :)
P.S. I am totally afraid of breaking my habits when my hubby comes home!
I think its good to have time apart from each other, as well as time with each other. :)
Although I have never been in the situation you're in (where he was gone for a year) I can somewhat relate & it's ok for you to have your habits. Habits can always be broken or changed.
Time will put everything in place & as long as you two compromise, you'll be great. Everyone needs to vent every now & then & no one thinks you love him any less because of it :)
Totally normal. My husband just came home from his deployment and I feel the same way. I hear that's just how it is.
Things level out in the end, but you are both very different people now. That takes some time to get used to.
Sounds like you two are doing well, keep it up!
I'm sure the more time you spend together you'll iron everything out. It sounds like things have been going well so far though.
I hear THAT!
I have just started to wonder about this transition myself...my husband comes home from his first deployment in December and I am beginnig to realize how much has changed around here in the past year. We have a new son and like you said, I have just gotten used to doing things alone. I am hoping I don't completely overwhelm him with "the way we do things now" and at the same time I dont want him to treat me like one of his soldiers. I am mostly afraid of giving in to the urge of wanting to lock him in the house for a month and never let him leave haha! I just hopewe can fnd a good balance like you seem to have done.
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