Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.
Anyone who has ever been the victim of bullying knows that is not true.
The emotional pain that comes from bullying takes a very long time to go away. Sometimes when you least expect it, even years later, you realize it still hurts.
I know.
I was a victim.
I want to thank everyone who commented on Part 1 and told how they were bullied when they were younger. I know that it’s not always easy to talk about. It took me several tries to just write this post. I worry about what people will think when they read this. Will they some how blame me? Was it my fault that I was bullied? Was I just too sensitive and meek because I didn’t stand up for myself?
It started in middle school. Sixth grade. We had just moved to a new school district. I have no idea what it really was about me that provoked the teasing. Part of it was probably the way I dressed. Another part of it was the way I looked because of my open bite. One boy, in particular, would make fish faces at me. I could change my clothes, but I couldn’t change my teeth.
Over the years the reasons for making fun of me differed. At one point it was my hair…it was too short and I looked like a boy. Another time some boy just didn’t like that I sat behind him. He would turn around and threaten me if I accidently kicked the back of his chair or I coughed. There was a point when a couple girls in chorus decided that time of day was better spent making snide remarks in my direction.
There was always a reason. No matter what I did, I didn’t deserve to be left alone.
Sixth through ninth grade. Four long years of school. I hated….school…. those kids….my parents for moving us….my life. I just hated.
I thought about killing myself. I made plans…several times…
But I could never do it. I never reached that final point of desperation. Maybe I was stronger than some kids? Maybe I was just luckier? Maybe I just didn’t have the courage…
I can still remember their names. There are times when I think I forgive them because they unwittingly made me stronger. Other times I still hate them. Would I be different in a better way if they had just left me alone? Would I be more fun at social situations instead of preferring to sit silently and just listen? Would I not take things so personally when someone makes a nasty remark about me today? Would I be less worried about how people will judge me?
Bullying isn’t always a physical assault. Sometimes bullies just reach right in and hurt you where others can’t see. If you let them, they will destroy you from the inside out.
Words do hurt. Words can break you. Words can leave scars that are invisible to others, but you can still feel them inside of you.
I wish I knew why I was able to stay strong when so many other bullied kids could not. I wish I knew why I saw the light at the end of the tunnel when so many other kids were unable to. I wish I knew how to bottle that strength and that hope up and give it to them.
I wish they were still here.
I was a victim of bullying when I was younger. But I am not a victim anymore. I will not be a victim again. And I will fight for those who are victims of bullying now and in the future. I will be the voice and the friend they don’t think they have.
This post is part of a series of posts I am writing this week. Please check out Part 1 from Tuesday and stay tuned for an exciting announcement in Part 3 on Saturday.
Also, please keep in mind that any comments that are insensitive or mean-spirited will be deleted immediately.
11 comments:
Love you! York Schools SUCK! :) - Jen
I swear....I was the same way! Mine started because my dad was in the Marines Corp, and we just got back from living in Israel and Ireland...I was different because I lived overseas...and I dressed different because I hadn't been in America for years. I felt like a misfit.
The real physical part of the bullying was when I was in the 8th grade. I had NO friends, I was a loner....my dad was deployed at the time for a year...I was going through alot with missing him....and somehow, these girls started a rumor that I hated black people (which of course NOT true)...so then the whole school turned against me...and I was picked on, pushed and slapped in the face by them. They even called my mom a "whore"...it was horrible!!!!! Thank goodness, my dad got orders after my 8th grade year. I could not of imagined having to go to high school living that life.
I hate bullying! Again, I have already taught my children at their young age, that I will NEVER accept them treating others badly, NEVER!!!!!!
Thank you for sharing your story!
I'm with you. I have gotten to know the principal and teachers, and not just my own kids', at the school we are at. I am making sure I have connections so that if I EVER catch wind of a bullying situation, it is reported. And I will follow up (nicely) to ensure it does not go on.
That said, I encountered bullying BY MOMS at my school this past fall. In the PTA ... I had been warned about it when I joined the exec (they had made trouble way before I arrived, so it is NOT me). I nipped it in the bud pretty quick and left them to do their own destruction. Should be interesting to watch over time, boy those ladies are an unhappy little threesome.
This is oddly too familiar. I don't even know if I ever want to go to a class reunion. Just like it kills me when people from high school.. who treated me like crap.. are adding me on facebook? No, thank you.
Just because the weight was lost, the teeth were fixed, the hair is under control, and the skin has cleared up.. to YOUR standards..
Thank you for being brave and sharing your story. Those who bully have no idea how deep the cuts can go, nor how long it can take to heal. I love your advocacy for the new generation!
I hated school too. I'm not really even sure why people made fun of me. But I couldn't care less if I ever saw most of the people from my class again.
Thank you for sharing.
Thanks for sharing. This post literally made me shed tears & I'm glad you were strong enough to get past all the bullying. I think most of us were bullied when we were younger, it sucks. I was never physically bullied but the words hurt just as bad. Hopefully your posts will help spread the word that bullying isnt something to take lightly.
Hey, I've been following your blog for some time now, and I'm going to tell my story for all to see which I hardly ever do.
I was almost the same way had to do mainly with my teeth. I don't know why it happened, but my teeth as a child grew into buck teeth, I was fine up had friends and everything until my family decided to move in 5th grade.
I moved to a new school, and got picked on so much, because I couldn't close my mouth because the two front top teeth stuck out. So of course everyone made fun of me. I hated my life because of them making fun of me and I wanted to just curl up and die, I thought about killing myself, but like you I couldn't do It. So then my parents left me get home schooled.
Then moved a year later to another school because my parents split up and I moved with my mom. Then at that school they still made fun of me.
Finally before I turned 18 I was able to find someone who could fix them had to drive 2 hours away just because the place took insurance and I got all my top teeth pulled because there was no way of saving them, because I would brush my teeth, but they'd still break and everything else. So I got all new top teeth their dentures of course and I'm only going on 21!! Crazy!!! But same thing happened to my mom, so the dentist said it was in my jeans that I took after my mom.
Then again at the last school It was because of the clothes and everything else too and I just didn't fit in or have friends at all. It sucked big time.
I'm totally with you on the whole Against Bullying IT NEEDS TO STOP!!!! The world would be so much better!! I hope eventually it'll stop!
I never had a boyfriend until I got my teeth fixed so that didn't help and made me much more worse with everything that went on. I ended up dropping out of school. Funny thing is now that I have my teeth fixed and everyone has grew up and matured, ALL the people that made fun of me now try to add me to Facebook and keep in contact with me. It still hurts me sometimes- Just thinking how hard it was with school and them making fun of me.
My boyfriend I'm with now it was so hard telling him about my teeth. But thank god he loves me for me and it's all good. Right now it isn't though because I miss him because he's deployed.
Well now that I told the world about my story haha. I think I'll end it now sense this is pretty long already. Well talk to you later. Enjoy reading your post! =]
what an inspiring story. i admire your strength.
Thank you for sharing your story. My brother was bullied. He was the super-smart geek with not great hygiene habits. I know it really scarred him. I was guilty by association. Plus I had glasses and a mullet. I was lucky in that I also had some great friends - but it's always the mean comments that are the easiest to believe, you know?
I am terrified of my kids being bullied. Last year, my son was in Pre-K and a bunch of boys were playing tag - tagging him and then running. I saw his face crumple, so I ran over, and he said, "Mommy? Why are they being so mean to me?" They weren't - he just didn't understand the game. But it broke my heart. He's sensitive. I worry about kids preying on that.
These posts are amazing. It is hard to talk about how we were bullied and sadly I still have girls from back in highshool slanderizing me all over the Internet. I recently saw some talking about an email they all forward to each other talking badly about me. It's truly sad they don't realize how everyone has feelings and words really do hurt. I just try to remind myself that as they continue to do this I am growing up and growing with my husband and daughter and in ten years they will still be in there same clique all talking badly behind eachothers backs and never growing up.
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