I Am Not A Cook.

I mention on my “Meet Me” page that I do not enjoy cooking.  I’m not a terrible cook, but I’m not a good cook either.  I prefer the restaurant method.  I order food and it appears before me perfectly cooked and tasty. 

Unfortunately, we can not afford to eat out every night, so I am forced to cook.  I prefer simple recipes like my family’s famous macaroni soup.  Every now and again I like to step out of that box and try something a bit more complex, but the results usually are not very good.

Last Sunday, I decided to make Steak Béarnaise with Sweet Potato Straws. The recipe is NOT that difficult sounding. There’s like 4 actual ingredients. 

Sunflower oil for deep frying? I’ll just bake the sweet potato fries.

Mixed lettuce leaves to serve? Really? Who does that fancy serving crap in their own home?

And a recipe for Béarnaise sauce?  I’ll just get the powdered mix and add some butter and milk, thank you very much.

So really, how hard can this be?

Well, if you don’t know how to cook 1 inch thick steaks…pretty damn hard. (Non-meat eaters, you may just want to look away now.)


If I had strung these babies up I would have had a nice blood puddle on my floor.

And I set off the smoke alarm…twice.

What about those sweet potato straws?

Mine were more like sweet potato slaw. So they refused to bake.  I had some very burnt pieces and some that were still raw.



Stonewall ended up putting the steaks on the grill for a few minutes.  They ended up even more burnt, but slightly more cooked in the middle.

We ended up tossing about $15 worth of filet mignon in the trash.

On the bright side, my powdered béarnaise sauce was pretty good.

*******

But Was It Really A Droid?

It has come to my attention that the “I Caught A Droid & I’m Feeding It Skittles” story may not be true.  Or it may not have happened to the friend of a cousin of the wife of the dude I work with.  It may have been a leprechaun.  And it could have been Reeses Pieces.

However it happened, I’ve come to two conclusions:

1. Whoever said it was a leprechaun does not have a very good imagination. Don’t make up stories again.
2. Whoever said it was a droid…keep up the good work! True or not, the story was hilarious!

My co-worker who told me this story has also weighed in on this issue.  His wife swears it happened to a friend of her cousin.  However, coworker has decided that he will no longer be telling stories that are not specifically about him and his pinworms.

I will probably NOT be sharing those stories with all of you.