Things That Make You Go Hmmm: I'll Have the Number 5 With a Side of Goldfish

Have you ever been super pissed off at an ex? Okay, stupid question. Of course you have, that's why they're an Ex. Unless you happened to marry your preschool sweetheart you've been in that place that compels you to throw out an Ex's favorite sweatshirt, scratch up his CD collection he left at your apartment, and return his toothbrush after you've cleaned your toilet with it. (Not that I've ever done these things. I'm merely stating the hypotheticals.)

Apparently, they do things a little bit different out in Pasadena, TX. Instead of throwing away her ex's favorite t-shirt or even keying his car this woman ate his goldfish.

Yes, that's right. Ate. His goldfish.

Some of you may be saying, "Ewwww!" at this moment while you attempt to hold down your breakfast. However, in her defense, she didn't eat them raw, she fried them up first.

I try not to be a vengeful person,(Not in reality, anyway. In my dreams, well, that's a different story.) so I'm not up on the most current ways to make a person regret their actions. However, I'm pretty sure that frying up goldfishes slimy little bodies, and then having to chew and swallow their crunchy tail fins would do more harm to me than the person I was trying to get even with.

Either way, cue the Carrie Underwood...

And he don't know...

That I stole his fish from their bowl to make myself a tasty little meal;
carved my name into their golden fins.
I spiced 'em up and fried them to a crisp,
Ate them all in two slow bites.

Maybe next time he'll think before he breaks up with me.

I might've saved a little trouble for the next fish,
Cause the next time that he eats,

Oh, you know it won't be seafood.

(Ok, lame! But it took me a whole twenty minutes to come up with this little jingle, so humor me and tell me I'm super creative.)



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