Well, actually...
I'm sorry. Did I do what now?
I'm sure we all remember this clip from the movie Baby Mama. I most definitely thought they made this whole "olive oil" thing up just for the movie. Get a good chuckle out of the audience.
Oh no. According to the pregnancy community Meg frequents women actually rub olive oil on their...Barbaras...while pregnant to prevent tearing during labor.
Which got me thinking, since I had not partaken in rubbing my...lady parts....with cooking oil, how does one do this while hugely pregnant?
And it appears that not only do women rub their...ah hell, their taints with olive oil, but there are websites that give instructions.
iVillage for Pregnancy and Parenting has an excellent set of directions...
If it's okay with you I'll just skip the detailed photo...
First, you should wash your hands. I'll give it to them...that's a good first step. You never know what's under your fingernails and if you're so concerned about tearing that you'd actually massage olive oil onto your perineal, you'd really freak out just thinking about what dirt could get....you know, up there.
Next, find a private place. If you were considering doing this in the mall food court, they advise against it....
Now get yourself comfortable. Any easy task when you're anytime over 4 weeks pregnant....
And for the main show...
"Place your thumbs about 1 to 1 1/2 inches (three to four centimeters)"...for those of you who prefer the metric system..."inside your vagina. Press downward and to the sides at the same time."...Seriously, who can get in this position even when they're NOT pregnant?..."Gently and firmly keep stretching until you feel a slight burning, tingling or stinging sensation."...Slight burning? Why? Who does that to themselves?..."With your thumbs, hold the pressure steady for about two minutes or until the area becomes a little numb and you don't feel the tingling as much."...Well, if it wasn't weird before now we add the numbing sensation...
"As you keep pressing with your thumbs, slowly and gently massage back and forth over the lower half of your vagina, working the lubricant into the tissues. Keep this up for three to four minutes. Remember to avoid the urinary opening."...I don't know. If you're going to go through all of this work you might as well make your way an inch or so north and get something out of this other than burning and tinglies...
"As you massage, pull gently outward (and forward) on the lower part of the vagina with your thumbs hooked inside."...Just get yourself a vibrator and some KY...
I should like to point out that the article also suggests having your partner do this for you. Show of hands how many husbands would simply just rub some olive oil down there and then call it a night?
Right. Any questions?
Well I've got one...
9 comments:
oh....this is so not happening. I'm into my 5th pregnant month right now and D-Day feels sometimes like it's right around the corner and freaks me out a little bit. This type of massaging would freak me out even more!
I really shouldn't read your posts during breakfast. Somewhere around "If you were considering doing this in the mall food court, they advise against it...." I snorted breakfast smoothie out my nose.
Thanks for a good start to the day.
Oh dear god. This is the kind of stuff that makes me want to adopt.
Haha. Great, now all your followers are going to think I'm a weirdo... Just so you all know, I'm going to take my chances during delivery and have decided against massaging my "Barbara" with olive oil!! :)
Actually, my hospital has a bottle of EVOO in every delivery room to help lube mamas up when they are stretching really badly and also just before they start to push....
Hahaha, I was laughing so hard when I read this. I totally thought they made that up for Baby Mama. Maybe I'll buy some PAM before I have another kid ;)
HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! This made me laugh so hard. While reading the post, I pictured the female instructor character from "Baby's Mama". What an interesting topic. Hey I would try anything to prevent tearing and defecating on the table during delivery! HELLO! And they invite people to watch deliver? I seriously don't get that either!It won't be happening and my husband will be at my face the entire time.
Oh my God. I am pregnant for the first time and I am embarrassed enough as it is with the thought of screaming or pooping during labor. Putting EVOO on my choch so that I can smell like some Italian dish for the doctor and nurses is just not on my list of to do's.
xoxo
Whahahaha... I have to admit that when I got to that section in the book... I QUICKLY turned the page, while looking around to make sure no one was reading over my shoulder... and that was the end of that - oh... and I had a ceasar. Stoopid gynae knew the Bunny was too big, but apparently because I was set on having a natural birth (after I was set on having a ceasar - blasted mid-wives upsetting the apple cart there) she thought she'd let me sit in hospital all day before coming in and wheeling me into theatre anyway!
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